30 Things I'm Scared to Say

I met a friend out tonight--a friend who shares an appreciation for the written word. We enjoyed the beauty of a temperate summer evening over light appetizers and delicious beer, meanwhile discussing everything from school to relationships to abortion. Yeah, we talk a lot.

A high point in our conversation, at least for me, was when we discussed the finality of our words once they are written. Perhaps that's why I love to write so much: I'm equally as intrigued by my own thoughts as I am scared of them.  They never turn out as I intend--sometimes for the better, sometimes otherwise.  Regardless, my friend told me that one of the reasons that she doesn't write as much as she wanted to recently is because she is afraid to make these thoughts real--almost like casting them in stone.

I suggested that, instead of fearing these things, perhaps it would be better to confront them by writing one sentence per day. Small things you're afraid to say, and by the end you will have confronted a lot more than just one sentence. 

Then I got to thinking. Maybe I should take my own advice.

I'm not proud of yesterday's post, but I think it might be because I am holding back. Despite my new zest for life, I think I am still afraid to confront some thoughts and ideas. Maybe writing them, and using this to achieve that, will help me.

Perhaps I'll look back on these and roll my eyes; although, it is entirely possible I will reflect with pride. Regardless, the written word is something we use to communicate who we are at an instantaneous moment. The same idea will not manifest itself in an identical manner on a different day; rather, that same idea will morph depending on what we, as the writer, bring to it on a given day.

So maybe I won't categorize.  Maybe I will neither reflect upon these 30 things with shame nor pride. Instead, I'll confront them and recognize them as truths--truths that once were, or perhaps will still exist in the future.

Tomorrow will be day one. Looking forward to it.
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