My trip to Europe in 2008 was not only culturally enriching; I found it transformed my outlook and perspective on the world. Up until that point, I had been living either in Mount Prospect or Champaign, two towns that hardly were providing me any worldly perspective, contrary to what I thought at the time. In fact, when I was in high school, I thought I had truly been given a well-rounded education, with an extra dose of social justice and worldly knowledge.
I also went to a high school nicknamed "The White Castle."
Needless to say, my experience was hardly worldly. In fact, after traveling to Europe, I realized just how much of a secluded bubble my hometown was. Everything was done for me, if I couldn't do it myself, and I really never had to truly experience any sort of hardship. Granted, even my trip to Europe was a privileged one, despite the fact that I was wearing the same shirt every other day and scrounging bread from buffets.
At that point, I had been in a relationship for a little under a year, still not having told my parents. I was a bit nervous as to what they would say, even though I knew had been gay for quite some time prior to starting my relationship. In fact, I remember, even in my first year of college, trying to drop subtle hints to my friends, all in vain.
I found myself, one afternoon, riding on a bus through the countryside of Spain, admiring the rich, red clay landscapes, with spots of green popping up every so often. While I'm sure a similar picture could have been found somewhere in the United States, I surely had never seen it before. Awestruck, I watched it pass me by in what seemed like a relatively slow manner. I began to realize just how big the world was, how small I was, and the insignificance of my sexuality in the grand scheme of the world. I decided then and there that I would tell my mom.
I arrived home, refreshed but exhausted, with a hideous patchy beard. I was trying to be a man, but it was clear from my face that I was still just a boy who was pretending. That night, Mom and I sat around the bonfire, and I was telling her about my trip. I tried to casually bring up the topic, my hands trembling, a half-smile on my face. My attempts to be casual were completely futile, so I came out with it.
Or I guess I just came out.
Years of pent up frustration were released. I cried a cleansing cry while my mom knelt beneath me and rubbed my back, telling me how much she loved me. My fears were eradicated, and I felt so empowered.